The Polite Way to Pass Gas (Phew…. Who would have ever known there was a rule for that one!)

Every Marksman Smells His Own Shot First!


Movement of rectal gas is usually accompanied by forewarning. And a gentleman, having been forewarned, should disarm himself in the nearest bathroom or outside in the open air, away from other people. In the case of an accidental discharge while in the company of others, whether the release be audible or not, or malodorous or not, a simple “Excuse me, please” or “Pardon me, please,” without further explanation, is usually sufficient in polite, adult society.  Saying nothing, however, especially in the company of two or more persons, may lead to misplaced blame. Playing “Who Done It” may be funny during childhood, but a ballistics specialist should not have to be summoned to determine who “fired the fecal shot” when a gentleman is the marksman. The guilty party should be a man and own up to his smoking gun. Yes, flatulence is a natural occurrence. But so are coughing, sneezing, defecating, urinating, menstruating, masturbating, copulating, and regurgitating, for example, and there are proper ways and means of handling them all with dignity. And frankly, with all that is occurring in the world today, who gives a damn about a little puff of hot air that in a matter of seconds will be gone with the wind? After all, tomorrow is another day….