The Makeshift Bidet

The Makeshift Bidet

In northern Europe, Great Britain, and much of the world influenced thereby, the bidet, alas, is not yet a standard bathroom fixture (though it should, on grounds of public health, be required by law the world over!). And “wet-wipes” are still not de rigueur in most bidet-less bathrooms. So, in essence, many inhabitants of the “First World” walk around with traces of “Number Two” up their butts.
But for the gentleman who has experienced the beauty of a bidet, there is no turning back: “Once you go bidet, there is no other way.” So what’s a gentleman to do when he encounters a loo without a bidet? Cross his legs, hope to die, dry-wipe his butt then each thigh?
Enter: The Makeshift Bidet. In lieu of a bidet, attached to the water-source of some toilets is a douchette—a hose with a spray-faucet. A douchette is used thus: After using toilet paper to dry-wipe, a gentleman flushes the toilet, then positions himself towards the front of the toilet seat, thereafter using the hose, held in his right hand, to spray water onto the small of his back as his cupped left hand, into which a dab of liquid soap has been dispensed, is used as a “catchment” directly under the buttocks (and above the water in the toilet bowl!) to catch the water cascading down the cleft of his buttocks, washing his anus, buttocks, and genitals clean. When a proper cleansing has been achieved, the gentleman raises himself from the toilet seat, pat-dries his buttocks and genitals with paper towel, then preliminarily self-washes his left hand over the toilet, using the right hand to operate the douchette. Thereafter, the hose is replaced onto its wall-mounted holder; the toilet is again flushed; the toilet seat is tidied before its lid is lowered; the gentleman thoroughly washes both hands with soap and water over the washbasin; then rearranges his clothing in preparation for exiting the restroom.
Some bathrooms that have neither bidet nor douchette have a makeshift bidet–a plastic pitcher (usually with a long spout such as those used for watering potted plants), that is placed discretely, but suggestively, next to the toilet. Filling the pitcher with cool water before using the toilet, a gentleman, after dry-wiping and flushing the toilet, positions himself towards the front of the toilet seat as described above, thereafter using the pitcher, held in his right hand, to pour water onto the small of his back as his cupped left hand, bearing a dab of liquid soap, is used to cleanse himself. Thereafter, the empty pitcher is returned to its original position, and the gentleman proceeds to tidy the toilet and himself in preparation for exiting the restroom.

How To Be A Good Sleepover Guest: The do’s and the don’ts

The Good Sleepover Guest

The four biggest lies in hospitality are:

  1. Drop by anytime;
  2. Don’t bring anything;
  3. Mi casa es tu casa; and
  4. Stay as long as you want.

The truth is that it is oftentimes said (even if behind closed doors) that house guests are like fish: They smell after two days. Therefore, regardless of what is said by the hostess to the contrary, the general rule is that gentlemen should keep visits very short and very sweet, departing with the lady or gentleman of the house wishing the visit were longer. If there is ever a time in life to exhibit impeccable manners, it is when visiting someone’s home, for the manner in which a young man conducts himself in another person’s home is not only a reflection of the young man, but also of his family—of his parents in particular, and of the way they raised (or did not raise!) him. So while the adage, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” may ring true at a rock concert or when sitting in a cafe, it does not when one is a house guest. There, the more appropriate adage would be, “When in Rome, do as the pope should do.”  Whether visiting as a sleep-over play date during the pre-teen years; “crashing” on the sofabed at a friend’s “monolocale” in Roma during one’s “roaming 20s”; spending a few days with a cousin at his group-house while in town on job interviews; or visiting a business associate at his palatial, seaside villa in Portugal’s The Algarve, good manners make all the difference between the experience being wonderful or regretful—for both guest and host.

Being a good house guest requires a particular sensitivity—for knowing, for example, when to be up before dawn in order to surprise the hostess with breakfast in bed, and when to remain in bed, even if wide awake, so as to give the host time to recuperate after an eventful night; when to be neither seen nor heard, and when to be seen but not heard; when to serve and when to be served; when to enter a room, and when to withdraw therefrom; when to arrive and when to depart. The positive interaction between guest and host can perhaps best be likened to the chemistry shared amongst members of a jazz ensemble, who, by instinct and practice, know how, when, and where to complement each other.  And like a musical score, with its bass and treble clefs, each separate and distinct, yet enhancing the other, such should be the relationship between host and guest, each knowing his role. A guest, no matter how intimate or familiar, is always a guest. And he must always be cognizant of that fact, conducting himself accordingly.

A good house guest should bring joy to his host, be easy to accommodate, respect the host and his property, and help to create an overall positive experience during the visit. The guest’s presence should, at worst, only marginally inconvenience the host and, preferably, should enhance the life of the host. A good house guest puts himself “in the shoes of his host” before speaking, acting, and interacting.

The Gift

In Italy it is said that guests should knock on the door with their feet, meaning that their hands should be laden with gifts. Even a hostess who insists that her sleepover guest not bring a gift appreciates a gift—especially if it is something that she would have purchased for herself.

A gentleman-guest, even an impromptu one, should choose his gift carefully, for truly, when it comes to gifts for a host or hostess, it is the thought that counts. The proverbial “man who has everything,” for example, is much more likely to be appreciative of a basket of hand-selected, exotic fruits than a fine, silk tie. And a single mother of three would probably find a board game presented as a gift for her children more meaningful than a famous eau de parfum for her.

Sharing a Bed

Sharing a bed, whether with a lover or a friend, is an immensely intimate, potentially bonding experience and should be conducted with utmost dignity and respect. The guest should regard the invitation not only as one of the ultimate expressions of hospitality, but also of trust. People are perhaps most vulnerable when they sleep. And to be invited into another’s private sleep space is one of the highest honors a host can bestow upon his guest. One of the first acknowledgments of that honor, then, is for the guest to pay particular attention to hygiene since his lack thereof may adversely impact his host. (See chapter on Hygiene). Bathing, brushing one’s teeth, applying moisturizer to the skin, and grooming one’s hair prior to entering a shared bed are absolutely necessary. Dressing (or undressing!) according to the degree of intimacy is also required. If pajamas are appropriate, they should be clean, fit properly, and be well-designed. When the degree of intimacy allows for the guest to sleep in his underwear, he should make sure his underwear are clean and flattering to his physique.  And proper comportment once in the bed is also required. The guest should be sure to notify his host of any sleep peculiarities or abnormalities such as snoring, sleepwalking, sleep-talking, excessive restlessness, etc., which may adversely impact the host’s restful sleep. And if the guest feels relatively certain that the host will not be able to obtain a restful sleep if his bed is shared, the guest should politely refuse the offer to share the bed, sleeping, instead, elsewhere in the home.

Sharing a Bathroom

Bathrooms are private spaces, and activities of a private nature take place in them. Bathrooms tend to be relatively small and are sometimes cluttered with the personal toiletry effects of the host. It is imperative, therefore, that a guest not further invade his host’s private space by setting out personal toiletries as if “setting up shop” in the bathroom. Instead, a gentleman-guest should keep all his toiletries—his toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush and comb, cologne, shaving equipment, etc.—in his portable toiletry kit, taking the kit to and from the bathroom with each use. Besides, a gentleman who is equipped with his own toiletry kit will have no reason, whether out of necessity or curiosity, to open his host’s medicine cabinet, thereby further invading the privacy of his host.

After showering or bathing, a gentleman must make certain that the tub or shower stall is rinsed clean of body hair. Also, the toilet rim and seat should be wiped clean before and after use; the vanity  mirror, top, and wash basin should be wiped clean and dry; and the floor should be left dry and safe for any subsequent occupant.

Sharing a Kitchen

Very few people enjoy washing their own dishes, let alone someone else’s. And one of the primary reasons people go through the trouble of keeping their kitchens clean is because living with a filthy kitchen is even worse. Besides, according to conventional wisdom, a messy kitchen may contribute to depression.

When visiting a home that is not equipped with an automatic dishwasher or is not staffed with kitchen personnel, it is imperative that a gentleman wash whatever dishes he uses immediately after using them unless specifically instructed not to by the host. If the home is equipped with an automatic dishwasher, a gentleman should place his dishes neatly into the machine after they have been pre-washed (by hand) of any food residue.

When Visiting a Group House

Successfully visiting a group house requires mastering the art of not being seen—except by one’s host. As unimposing as a guest may be, at least some of the housemates of a group house are going to prefer that the guest were not present at all, for a group-house guest is simply one more person to have to see first thing in the morning, one more person to have to contend with over the use of the bathroom, and one more thing to have to deal with, overall.

It is the responsibility of the housemate who invites a guest to inform the fellow housemates, reasonably in advance, that he is having a guest—even if the guest will sleep in the bedroom of the invitor and spend most of his time in the invitor’s “private” space. The housemate-host should discuss common-area schedules with his housemates, relaying that information to his guest so that the guest can accommodate and arrange himself around the established schedules of the house. The guest, for example, should be informed of bathroom, kitchen, and sitting room schedules so as not to infringe on housemates who are trying to use shared facilities, especially during the hectic morning hours before work and/or classes. Also, the housemate-host should inform his guest of particulars of the house:  keys, laundry facilities, lights, appliances, etc.

It is important that a guest in a group house—even in a single-gender house—be appropriately dressed when in common areas. He should, for example, don a bathrobe when en route to a from the bathroom for personal grooming. Walking about in underwear, even in the middle of the night en route to the bathroom, is unacceptable.  And, of course, a gentleman should keep his personal toiletries in his portable toiletry kit, not set them up in the bathroom as if he is yet another housemate. It is important that the guest leave the bathroom cleaner than encountered each time he uses it. (And, as such, it is important that cleaning and tidying supplies be readily and visibly available in the bathroom so that users may upkeep the room). Countertops, mirrors, and toilet lids and seats must be wiped clean; body hair must be rinsed down drains or wiped up with paper towel and placed into the trashcan or flushed down the toilet; and any personal item that does not have to be left in the bathroom (and there are very few) should be transported to and from the bathroom as needed. A guest in a group house must be mindful that his presence adds to an already high-stress environment.

If the guest is sleeping on a common-area sofabed, for example, it is best that he wake and restore the sofabed to its sofa position before housemates begin moving about the house in the morning. No housemate needs to tippy-toe around a slumbering house guest as the housemate is hustling out the house to get to work.

A group-house guest must pick up and clean up behind himself, regardless of the general practice of the house. Likewise, he must wash dishes immediately after using them.

It is best that a guest at a group house not stay beyond one week. A visit beyond one week is an imposition on the other housemates no matter what they may claim to the contrary. Any group-house guest who stays beyond a week should contribute proportionately to the joint expenses of the house.

When a gentleman stays at a group house, it is necessary that he present the members of the house with an appropriate gift. And one that is consumable is perhaps best:  a basket of fresh fruits; a bottle of excellent olive oil; a box of chocolates. If on a very tight budget, something interesting but inexpensive—such as a lottery ticket for an upcoming drawing presented to all the members of the house—would be thoughtful, fun, and potentially life-changing.

When Visiting A Typical Family Home

Very few typical family homes are equipped with a room designated for guests only. More often, a gentleman, especially a young man visiting the family home of a friend, will share his friend’s room or, alternatively, be offered a room that has been temporarily vacated by a family member in order to accommodate the gentleman. If the gentleman must share a bathroom under such circumstances, the same guidelines presented above for visiting a group house apply:  Wear proper attire en route to and from the bathroom; transport toiletries to and from the bathroom with each use; and leave the bathroom cleaner and neater than when encountered.  If a gentleman has been assigned a guestroom with a private bathroom, he may unpack his toiletries in the bathroom since only he will use the bathroom during his stay.

Whether sharing a room or occupying a designated guestroom, when being hosted in a typical home that is not staffed with domestic help, a gentleman must make his bed each morning—even if it is not his practice to do so in his own home.

A guest in a typical family home should arrive with a gift and send another, along with a hand-written thank-you note, within two or three days after departure. When appropriate, special thanks should also be extended to the member of the household who volunteered his bedroom in order to accommodate the guest.

When Visiting A Large Home With Separate Guest Accommodations

Some homes are designed and constructed specifically to accommodate guests separately for short or extended periods of time, the guest accommodations usually including such features as a private entrance and private sleeping, living, eating, and bathing areas. Guests at such homes are also frequently provided with service staff to assist with housekeeping and transportation. Such accommodations indicate the owner’s desire to provide privacy for his guest as well as to maintain privacy for himself. It is necessary, therefore, that a guest under such circumstances obtain, upon arrival or on a nightly basis, his host’s plans for their interactions:  engagements for meals, plans for sightseeing, upcoming soirees, etc.

If the home is staffed with service personnel, a gentleman need not make his bed in the morning. He should, however, display reasonable respect for his host by maintaining a general neatness in his guest accommodations.

Within two or three days after his departure, the gentleman-guest should send thank-you gifts and notes for his host and the key members of the service staff who provided for his hospitality.

The Correct Way to Brush Your Teeth (and to Maintain Oral Health)

The Mouth Speaks Volumes

There are people—on television and in the movies—who, immediately after a long night’s sleep, turn towards their partners and kiss them intimately and intensely.  But in real life, people know better than to try such a stunt. While a warm embrace and a kiss on the lips (close-mouthed!) first thing in the morning are infinitely romantic, no true gentleman would impose morning-breath on his partner.

An ill-kept mouth is almost always a barometer for overall poor hygiene practices.  And one of the reasons many people have bad teeth is because many people brush their teeth badly. There are people, for example, who spend less than one minute brushing their teeth, when approximately ten to fifteen minutes should be allotted for the task.

Good teeth-brushing begins with a good, angled, soft-bristled toothbrush, which should be washed clean with a liquid soap-and-water solution before each use (once per week in a chlorine), making sure that the brush is thoroughly rinsed with water before applying the toothpaste. (Millions of bacteria are spread around a bathroom each time a toilet is flushed with its lid open, and many of those bacteria settle and thrive upon damp, exposed toothbrushes). (Hard-bristled toothbrushes should be outlawed—except for brushing dentures and scrubbing toilets. Hard toothbrushes ruin teeth and gums).

Not just the “smile-side” of teeth should be brushed; also the “chew-side” and the “back-side.” When an additional application of toothpaste is needed, the brush should be rinsed clean before the application.

But obtaining and maintaining a clean mouth each day requires more than just brushing the teeth therein.  The tongue, gums, roof of the mouth, the area beneath the tongue, and cheeks should all be brushed—after all, what would be the point of having clean teeth next to an unclean tongue, for example. In effect, then, it is the entire inside of the mouth that should be brushed—not just the teeth—if proper oral hygiene is to be attained.  A thorough rinse and gargle with water completes the task. The toothbrush should be rinsed clean before being replaced in its receptacle; there are few things more disgusting than a toothbrush with accumulated toothpaste residue at the base of its bristles. After all, it is difficult to obtain a clean mouth with a filthy toothbrush.  And, incidentally (pardon the pun), tubes of toothpaste should always be resealed.

After brushing and rinsing, the mouth may be given an additional rinse with mouthwash. There are many commercially available brands, each one claiming to be better than the next for one reason or another. Those with medicine-like aftertaste and smell should probably be avoided since the objective is for the mouth to smell clean and fresh, not like a first-aid kit. One of the most effective post-brushing oral rinses is the age-old solution of water and hydrogen peroxide (or “oxygenated water,” as it is sometimes called in Europe and South America):  a mouth half-filled with water to which two capfuls of hydrogen peroxide are added. After a vigorous swishing and gargling, which gives the solution a frothy consistency, the mouth, after the solution has been released into a receptacle, should be rinsed clean with fresh water.  The end result is a fresh, tasteless, odorless, clean. And unlike many commercial mouthwashes, the hydrogen peroxide-and-water solution also serves to remove traces of blood which may have been caused by abrasive toothbrush bristles during the brushing phase.

Another age-old formula for maintaining oral health is a post-brushing, final rinse comprised of regular chlorine bleach (sodium hypochlorite [5.25% NaOCl]), preferably the Clorox brand, and water.  One-half teaspoon of regular, normal-strength, unscented, unadulterated chlorine bleach is diluted with one cup of lukewarm water (one part bleach to 20 parts water is recommended).  A mouthful of the solution is swished around the mouth for about 20 seconds, then discarded into a receptacle. The process is repeated for another 20 seconds. Unlike the hydrogen peroxide solution described above, the chlorine solution is not to be gargled. None of the solution should be swallowed.  After the solution is released from the mouth, the mouth is rinsed thoroughly with fresh water. A final gargle with fresh water will rid the throat of any chlorine-solution residue that may have escaped the fresh-water rinse. The chlorine-solution regimen serves to eradicate many of the mouth’s harmful bacteria, thereby promoting healthier gums and fresh breath. But in order to allow for the existence of the mouth’s beneficial bacteria, it is recommended that the solution be used once per day for a two-week period, every other two weeks. Some dentists insist that the solution be used once per day on an uninterrupted daily basis. A gentleman should consult with his dentist before commencing the regimen.

Flossing has also become a part of the oral hygiene routine. When teeth are very tightly spaced, however, flossing is not recommended as it usually results in ruptured gums caused when the floss damages the tender gums as it is forced through the tightly spaced teeth. And ruptured gums contribute to gum disease, tooth decay, and offensive breath.

Teeth should be brushed first thing in the morning (A morning shower, somehow, feels less cleansing if not preceded by teeth-brushing) and last thing at night (It is amazing how much more bearable morning-breath is if teeth had been brushed just before going to bed).  On occasion, additional brushing during the course of a day may be required or desired, though too much brushing can be stressful on the teeth and gums.

Bathroom glasses—the ones some people use to rinse their mouths while brushing their teeth—are infinitely unsanitary. Just think of the amount of germs that accumulate on them just by being in a bathroom, let alone the fact that most people who use them do not wash them with soap and water before and after use.  When there is a preference for rinsing the mouth with water from a cup, disposable paper cups—concealed in some sanitary dispenser—should be used instead, the cup discarded after each use.

Likewise, when toothbrushes, tubes of toothpaste, razors, and the like are kept in glasses, those glasses should be washed with soap and water at least every other day:  Water residue from the items placed into bathroom glasses settle at the bottom of those glasses, serving as a breeding ground for germs. And it is important that vanity mirrors be wiped clean of any toothpaste-splattering that might have occurred during brushing. A sheet of paper towel moistened with rubbing alcohol is excellent for cleaning mirrors, streak-free, residue-free.

 

Lower the Seat AND the Lid!

Lower the seat AND the lid!

For over a hundred years now, ever since the dawn of indoor plumbing, women have bullied, belittled, blamed, and berated men into bathroom submission for forgetting to lower the seat of the toilet. Relationships have ended over women, in the dark of night, sitting unwittingly onto a cold toilet rim—God forbid a pee-wet one! “Lower the [fucking] seat!” has almost become a woman-mantra and a mark of the “gentler” sex’s innate domestic superiority over their more feral male counterparts. And many women take pride in having–finally–“trained” their men, after years of indoctrination, into mastering the two-step process: Lift seat to pee; lower seat after peeing.

But the reality is that both men AND women need to learn toilet etiquette. The fact is that a toilet flushed with its lid upright allows for the spreading of toilet-borne bacteria onto everything within 10 feet of the toilet! Consequently, face towels, the floor, toilet paper and its dispenser, toothbrushes, liquid soap dispensers, shower curtains and shower door handles, the doorknob, the toilet rim or seat, etc., all get a copious misting of toilet germs each time a toilet is flushed with its lid in the upright position.

Today, the fastidious homemaker keeps readily available and in plain view, next to the toilet ( hint, hint…), a spray- or squeeze-bottle of alcohol or some other bathroom cleaner, along with paper towels, for the purpose of wiping clean the toilet after each use.  A gentleman, after using the toilet for whatever purpose, should wipe clean the seat and/or rim, lower the lid, then flush the toilet (lifting the lid after the flush in order to ensure that all evidence of his usage has been eliminated, then lowering it again).

The moral of the story, then, is: Lower the god-damned toilet seat AND the lid! (That is why toilets were made with both in the first place! Duh-uh….)  And that goes for men as well as for women!

Now—finally—after a hundred years of female complaints and male resistance, in the words of the late Rodney King (1965 – 2012), “Can we all get along?”

Washcloths Were Invented For A Reason! (The Proper Way to Take a Shower or Bath)

The Shower

 Simply put, a gentleman should bathe or shower at least once per day.

 Washcloths were invented for a reason. The present-day notion that a man—or anyone for that matter—can properly cleanse himself by simply rubbing a bar of soap over his body while in the shower is the result of three generations of soap commercials on television.  But it must be remembered that those advertisements are selling soap, not teaching proper hygiene, so it would be impractical to obstruct the product—the soap—with washcloths.  But in real life, in order to clean nostrils, inner ears and behind ears, between toes, armpits, and even more private and remote areas, a washcloth, or some comparable implement—not a bar of soap—is required. Showering with a bar of soap but with no washcloth would be the equivalent of cleaning silver with silver polish but no polishing-cloth!

And like toothbrushes, washcloths must be kept clean.  There is little point in cleaning with an unclean implement.  So after showering, washcloths should be rinsed clean of soap residue and placed such that they can air-dry between uses.  Soapy washcloths left in some corner of the tub or on the floor of the shower are a breeding ground for germs.

Especially during the warmer months of the year (but, really, all year), a gentleman must pay special attention to underarm and genital odor.  After showering, ethyl alcohol or isopropyl alcohol (both of which are generally referred to as “rubbing alcohol”) should be applied to a damp washcloth and used to give a special cleaning to genital and anal areas.  A similar application should be used to remove deodorant residue from armpits, thereafter applying fresh deodorant. (For a gentleman whose skin tends to become irritated by rubbing alcohol, cider vinegar is a good substitute). The result is a sustained, odorless freshness throughout the day. The wash cloth should be washed with soap and water then thoroughly rinsed after the special cleansing:  An air-dried washcloth with lingering traces of alcohol or vinegar and body odor is not a nice-smelling washcloth.

At the end of his bath or shower, a gentleman should ensure that the bathtub/shower stall is free of his hair, for there are few sights more disgusting than that of hair that has become separated from the body upon which it once grew. Shower curtains should be fully extended so that they may air-dry between showers, and shower doors should be left partially open so as to promote the free-flow of air throughout the shower stall, thereby reducing the incidence of mold and moldy odors.

 

A bidet, a bidet! My kingdom for a bidet! (The Etiquette of the Bidet)

No Bidet? No Way!

It should be illegal, on grounds of proper hygiene and public health, to construct a 21st-century bathroom without a bidet. A bathroom without a bidet is like a kitchen without a sink or a car without windshield-wiper fluid. (Try dry-wiping a muddied windshield….Exactly!) It simply makes no sense. The fact is that dry toilet paper alone does not properly clean the anal area after a bowel movement. If that were the case, one would be able to wipe one’s hand clean with dry paper towel after spreading mustard or chocolate syrup over the hand.

There is also a proper way to wipe the anal area after a movement of the bowels: With sufficient toilet paper in hand, a man should wipe his anal area in an upward swipe, towards his back and away from his genitals. Back- and-forth wiping of the area should be avoided as it tends to spread the fecal matter rather than remove it. Some health professionals also believe that back-and-forth wiping contributes to the development of hemorrhoids; and in the case of women, it is believed to be a contributing factor to vaginal yeast infections since forward swiping tends to deposit fecal matter, and its attendant bacteria, onto or near the vagina. In countries such as the United States and those of Northern Europe where bidets are not the norm, a significant percentage of the population walks around with unclean anal areas. A gentleman, however, does not. There is no surer way to bring a racy evening to a screeching halt than to observe “skid marks” in a lover’s underwear.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to take a shower after having a movement of the bowels. (That is why bidets were invented—a very long time ago—in the first place!) After wiping the anal area with dry toilet paper, the bidet should be used to wash the anal area clean with soap and water. Today, most bidets are designed with the water-source situated towards the rear of the device, which was a much-needed improvement to some older-model bidets, where the water source was situated at the base of the bowl. (You get the point…..)

Before sitting on the bidet (Yes, that lid-less, truncated-toilet-looking contraption next to the toilet is the bidet. And no, it isn’t a miniature bathtub for swimming rubber duckies or washing feet!), the water should be allowed to run for a few seconds before being tested by the back of the hand to ensure a comfortable temperature. Once sitting on the bidet, the hand (in Islamic cultures, only the left hand), the running water, and the liquid soap which is generally provided, should be used to thoroughly cleanse the anal area. At the end of the procedure, one of the disposable hand towels, which should be situated next to the bidet, should be used to pat-dry the anal area. Thereafter, with the water still running in the bidet, additional soap should be used to preliminarily wash the hands, the bidet serving as the basin. Another clean, disposable hand towel should then be moistened and used to wipe the rim of the bidet clean. And yet another hand towel should be moistened and used to wipe-clean first the liquid soap dispenser and then the bidet faucet and spigot before the water flow is extinguished. (And while preliminarily washing the hands and tidying the bidet, the bidet is “flushed” with running water in the process). After all the disposable towels have been properly placed into the trash receptacle, a thorough washing of the hands with soap and water should be conducted in the hand-face wash basin.

Today, in private homes that have no bidets, a conscientious host or hostess will provide moist towelettes, either individually wrapped or in a dispenser, for the purpose of cleaning the anal area after a preliminary wiping with dry toilet paper. In the instances where those towelettes are of a cloth-like consistency, they should not be flushed after use as they can clog the average household toilet and/or disrupt the typical municipal sewage-processing system. Instead, they should be discretely folded to conceal any fecal residue, wrapped in paper towel or toilet paper, and placed into the wastebasket. (Obviously, then, it is of critical importance that the preliminary wiping with dry toilet paper be thorough!).

Very few public restrooms have bidets. When it is absolutely necessary for a gentleman to have a bowel movement in a public restroom, several sheets of moistened paper towels, one or two to which a dab of liquid soap has been applied, should be taken into the stall and utilized to accomplish the necessary task. After all, a gentleman must adjust—elegantly—when necessary.

Whether toilet or bidet, private bathroom or public restroom, seats and rims should always be wiped clean with a moistened paper towel (or sanitizing wet-wipes, if provided) after use as a convenience to the subsequent occupant. No one needs to sit on traces of the previous occupant’s perspiration.

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The Courtesy-Flush”: When having a bowel movement in a public restroom or any bathroom likely to be occupied shortly thereafter by another person, a courtesy-flush should be conducted in order to minimize any offensive odors. Immediately after the initial release of the bowels, when feces and the gases that often accompany them are likely to have the most offensive odors, the toilet should be flushed, thereby eliminating or significantly reducing the offensive odors. Then, of course, at the end of the bowel movement, the toilet should be flushed again.